i have found god. not in the born-again judeo-christian sense, but in the culinary sense.

many times i have eaten malaysian food at a place called penang village in san jose, and it has always been a delight to my tongue.

i have finally found a place that trumps it.

welcome to the spice islands cafe, downtown mountain view.

aside from the awesome interior decor that crosses southeast asian and californian contemporary lines, the food is tremendously tasty, excitingly exotic, and disturbingly delicious.

malaysian style coconut scallops, beef rendang, nasi lemak, coconut rice, shrimp rolls, basil chicken and malaysian style spareribs.

mmm.

i sit here with a million thoughts running through my mind, and i can't stop them. i want to sleep but i'm busy prying into the lives of friends past by reading their work online, i'm busy wondering where my damn ammunition is and why ups hasn't delivered it yet. i'm busy wondering when i should pay the stacks of parking tickets i have from those bastard cops in the city.

i sit and wonder and i don't know why and i have no idea what i'm doing with my life right now, but i know that what i'm doing is all i can do until i figure it out but i have no motivation right now even though i had it an hour ago and it's all bleeding away slowly into oblivion, a sweet oblivion that i won't know until the day i die.

i wonder if people truly sit and don't think beyond their latte or their duvet cover or their new ikea dinner table they assembled themselves and wonder what it's truly like to live and be free and to do what you want.

i wonder if people truly just go with the flow with no rhyme or reason but to stick to the plan of buying and fucking and eating and laughing and crying and spending and fucking some more.

then i look around me and realize that i've been doing the same thing for so long, how could i give it up? but maybe it's the same as someone who's been in a crappy relationship for so long- they don't know anything else.

i want to look outside the box more than i have, more than the little pinhole or crack. i want to see the box for what it really is, like neo wanted to know what the matrix was. i want to understand who is doing what and why but it's out of my grasp. i want to play the trombone and the bass and photograph things and build race cars and drive them and direct movies and act and sing and design but it's all just lost because i can't do it all right?

whatever.

Current Mood: blah

In series two of showing you how the American Public is being bilked, I will simply link you to someone who has done my work for me, regarding the election scam and "black box voting".

All of this is corroborated data, for the most part, and if you don't believe the facts then you're really lost.

click here and hold on to your panties

the sky heaved and sighed forth a cascade of dewy droplets so large they shimmered silver in the bright beams of my headlights as i hurtled at exceptional speed up the freeway in my glass and steel beast, taunting death to do his worst. thoughts ran through my head as my forearms flexed to keep the car steady as i glided through patches of water threatening to throw me off course and send me into steel and concrete dividers.

whenever the rain falls heavy i smile to myself but in sad introspection and realization more than happiness for the precipitation. i wondered and asked myself why it was that i can sit back and relax and enjoy the simple pleasure of wrapping myself in moments of guilty pleasure like an inviting blanket than keep focused on the inequities of the world. why i sit back and let myself get a fucking blowjob and cry out in ecstasy when i could be doing something productive.

but then the rocket in my mind travels as fast as i do when i invite death to my doorstep, and perhaps at that moment since they are both traveling equally as fast i am completely free of thought and able to focus on the moment.

freeing your mind is difficult- you must try your best to let go of the stupid little thoughts that sidetrack you, you must have resolve and constitution to maintain along the path of righteousness. i guess i don't have the chops yet, because all i can think about is the rain and getting another blowjob tonight.

but isn't everyone doing a christmas post these days? you have the introspective ones, the shallow ones, the ones of limited intelligence (OMG I got my mom a vacuum for christmas and my brother got me a KYOOOT SHIRT!!! OMG!!!), the nasty ones, the depressed ones, the accounts of the holiday rush and of the emotions that follow, the happy ones and overjoyed ones.

this is pretty much all of those combined.

i always have mixed emotions this time of year. between the mother who hates my dad's side of the family for "stealing" my sister and i away every holiday leaving her alone and the great grandmother who is 95 and could kick the bucket any day now and work and the unappreciative and fake sister and the mom who is slowly becoming alcoholic i really have no idea what the hell i'm doing anymore.

i guess it all boils down to one thing- doing my best to make everyone happy, which is what i always try to do. i enjoy putting a smile on someone's face with the thoughtfulness of a gift or what have you but the bank account has been finding itself slim recently and my plans to slowly collect christmas gifts for people over the course of the year crashes and burns inevitably as usual.

but it's whatever.

so this year i'm done, and done quick. shopping wasn't bad and my procrastination didn't force me to endure too much pain, for which im thankful.

and on top of that i found out that i can legally administer weddings in california.

fucking awesome.

merry christmas to you, christians and non-christians alike. all i can ask of you is to smile at the guy or girl next to you when you're out there braving the world so they know that they are alive and real and that there are other people in the world they can connect with.

peace

so you're a skeptic. you don't want or can't believe that bush, cheney, et al are abusing government policy to censor, to expand imperialistically, to seek out and secure oil and to screw everyone out of money so the rich can benefit.

that's fine. i can understand how it's hard for you to see that. so i will play a game i like to call connect the dots. i will do my best to source all of my information and provide links to those sources, so that you can verify what i say is true before you attempt to debate me.

so without further ado-

( play connect the dots with me )

im sick.

i hate it.

i hate the way it makes you feel, the imbalance you have in your body where your energy seems to have been permanently lost, your ability to function in any task besides sleeping seems futile and the simple desire to be out and happy is destroyed forever.

or at least it seems that way.

the worst part about getting sick for me is the complete and utter loss of sex drive. i can't mentally conjure a single lascivious carnal image to stir "the fire in the loins" so to speak. nothing at all. i had a pair of lovely naked breasts in my face this morning and all i could do was smile and say "wow, those are great. want to discuss philosophy?"

i only want two things right now, a quick recovery, and something warm and female to curl up with and fall asleep as a security blanket that the world is okay.

ugh. i hate how pathetic i feel when im ill. fuck this shit.

hands shake, fingers twitch. don't know what's wrong but it's happened more and more recently. maybe it's too much stress, maybe it's too much worry. but i don't really do either enough to really do anything.

eh.

need release, need to clear my head. maybe visit my friend and bring a little more e so we can both enjoy a couple hours of sensory bliss and carnal pleasure. i want something new though, something different.

its a lost cause, im stuck in a loop and can't get out. one to the next to the next, then back around again. i get bored too easy, tired of the same thing. i like exciting and new and i like to bring the new and exciting to others.

weird headaches too, they come in spikes. a few seconds then gone, then fine for hours and hours and hours and hours. and no, its not the e or anything else because i dont take it, just the cute little fuckbunny i've been messing around with.

packages have arrived, my stockpiling continues. paranoia isnt so bad now that i feel more prepared; i even have some documentation written. keep charcoal briquettes in the house, buy a bag and some decent outdoor clothes, you know the usual.

too many projects to finish, too many tasks to do. quarterly tax returns for business, fixing the car, getting some fun stuff for a certain russian minx, partying and drinking, going to the shooting range, buying supplies, writing this crap up, downloading pictures, aaaagh.

i cant say it more succinctly than i need something new to play with, another new body to plunder. blow me away and take my mind off of things, make me think of nothing but the moment so i can enjoy that temporary zen state i once felt like i had achieved. taking volunteers, send in resumes via email to themoment@gmail.com. i guarantee fun, no strings attached, party favors optional.

it hurts deep inside. i feel this ache, this vacuum of darkness sucking my normally good spirits into the depths of a personal hell i know i will suffer.

i look around me, i look and see people that i wish could understand or believe what i truly -know- deep in my heart, in my soul will happen. i have such conviction about this that it scares people i know that i've told.

but it's the nameless masses, the people walking around daily with no clue what the future holds for them. for that, i feel stricken with grief unfelt for years.

i dunno.

maybe im just crazy.

maybe im just overly cautious.

i feel like sarah connor from the terminator series.

somebody shoot me.

steal your election websites

so a few facts regarding the race. according to congress even a concession by one candidate does not mean that he has given up. only the electoral votes decide. so on december 13th the electoral college meets and casts their votes. congress is not legally allowed to open this vote until january 6th.

the eff is helping to fight for your rights along with blackboxvoting.org and others

help them in any way you can.

please.

even though it doesn't matter, this sets the stage for the future of the predictive timeline we're walking down right now.

truth == anger == unrest == revolution

you make the call. people don't get angry unless they know the truth. and when bush "wins" the election even if he didn't win according to the truth, you can figure out the rest.

i am finishing my maps and my instructions for my friends and im buying more supplies and the like. thats all.

peace.


ps.

most disturbing of all is this website showing the differences in exit polls vs. actual tabulation in states that had paper ballots vs. exit polls against actual tabulation in states that had machines.

add in the fact that diebold is a heavy republican supporter and other controversies in the past and you get one big fat question mark.

you have been robbed.

learn.

educate yourself.

fight back.

oh yeah.

happy turkey day, eat lots of turkey or ham. i prefer ham but my great grandmother's turkey's dark meat is great and her bread and her green beans and her mashed potatoes are unrivaled this side of missouri